A Guide to Surviving Reichenbach


Step 1: Breathe. This is very important. Do not delete. There will undoubtedly be a few of us fans who will have trouble breathing. Despite your instincts, you must not burrow into a pillow to muffle your screaming sobs. Just try to breathe.

Step 2. If you haven’t already been wearing it for the majority of the episode, now is the time to don your shock blankets, or whatever blankets you may have on hand, regardless of their color.

Step 3: If you’re game, you should complete the Reichenbach challenge now: take a picture of yourself regardless of what you look like, what you’re doing. You don’t have to post it yet, but do try and take the picture as soon as possible.

Step 4: If your breathing is stable, or if you’re at least still breathing, feel free to flail, scream, roll around on your bed, sob or curl into a huddled ball in the corner of your room. This is healthy and necessary, despite what concerns your parents, roommates, siblings, etc. etc. may have.

Step 5: Proceed to use obscene amounts of tissues, before assuring your parents, roommates, siblings, etc. etc. that you are, in fact, alive (in some semblance of the word) and that the house is not burning. If you desire to skip this step, please take the time to show them this wonderful guide on how to handle their Sherlock fan before the episode.

Step 6: If you haven’t already, sprint to the kitchen, grab all of your comfort foods (make sure the necessary items are in the household at least 1 day before the episode) and then return back to your bedroom and drown your sorrows in saturated fats and high fructose corn syrup.

Step 7: In hopes that your breathing has now become stable, and you’re not continuously screaming, now is the time to return to the computer. If you hadn’t before hand, make sure to close whatever video-viewing window you had open for the episode. Any glance at it may spur a relapse, and, if this happens, please repeat steps 1, 4, 5 and 6. Otherwise, open your internet browser. Before you watched the episode, make a point to have a separate window open with the sweetest, fluffiest Johnlock fic you know of. Read this now. This can be very therapeutic, and can also help to calm you down further.

Step 8: After finishing the fic, open Tumblr and, if you’re partaking in it, post your picture for the Reichenbach challenge and make sure to tag it with “I survived the Reichenbach Fall”. If you’re not partaking in said challenge, Tumblr is, of course, already exploding like a land mine. So feel free to join in with your thoughts, creys and virtual group hugs.

Step 9: Continue to stay in your dark bedroom for the rest of the day and/or night, eating comfort food and huddled in your shock blanket. Again, if your parents, roommates, siblings, etc. etc. have read the previously mentioned guide, they will know better then to mention anything that even sounds like “falls”. Hopefully, they will understand your brains need to process this new overwhelming barrage of emotional, psychological and, in a sense, physical information.

Step 10: It pains me to say that you’re eventually going to have to leave your new emotional cave. Again, hopefully your parents, roommates, siblings, etc. etc. has read the guide, (seriously. They need to read this) and will know to come into your bedroom, open the blinds, shove you into the bathroom and try to erase the somewhat-delirious, Sherlock-related scrawlings that are undoubtedly covering your walls.

Step 11: Try to keep calm and carry on. Read fluffy fics, try to shove all recollections of “Reichenbach” in the corner of your mind and somewhat obsessively scroll through reapersun’s tumblr.

Step 12: Continue with Step 11 until Season 3 begins.

I’m going to need this.