Bodyguard of Lies
"I never liked zer damn cocoa anyvay."
Basically my favorite scene in The Truth.
I like to think Lord de Worde shows up to his son’s wedding* with considerable coldness towards the bride, and Otto, acting as the wedding photographer and best man, fusses about fixing his collar correctly for the shot, just to make the senior de Worde’s** pulse jump and temporarily forget about bullying Sacharissa or ragging William on such subjects as marrying beneath yourself***.
Lesson to be learned here: don’t pick on Otto’s loved ones.
*Sometime before Going Postal.
**copperbadge came up with Cyril de Worde. Which is a fitting name for him wow so let’s go with that.
***Although it’d certainly refresh his memory on the subject of bloodsucking fiends.
"No," said Tiffany patiently. "[My question is] about zoology."
"Zoology, eh? That’s a big word, isn’t it."
"No, actually, it isn’t," said Tiffany. "Patronizing is a big word. Zoology is really quite short.""
On the edge of the hollow Maladict was lounging against a tree. There was this about vampires: they could never look scruffy. Instead, they were … what was the word … déshabille. It meant untidy, but with bags and bags of style.
Polly and Mal, from Monstrous Regiment by Pratchett, who flirt for the whole fucking book and no one will convince me otherwise.
"Coincidentally, my first lesson will be the same as all my other lessons. Now, repeat after me: Qui fugiebat rursus fugiet - or, in modern terms: He who fights and runs away, lives to flee another day.”
Wow, now I feel super-excited about the idea of a Discworld/Harry Potter crossover fanfic where Rincewind teaches the ill-fated DADA class. Heck, he’s so used to winding up in impossibly difficult situations and somehow surviving, he might actually become the first person to survive long enough to teach the class two years in a row (if it weren’t for the fact that he’d probably have fled Hogwarts long before then).
The other school staff might also have something to say about his insistence on referring to his new place of employment as Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizzardry. (Possibly even Wizzzardry.)
Maladict, emerging from the trees, gave a lazy salute.
Well…a kind of revolution. That wasn’t really the word for what it was. There was the People’s Republic of Treacle Mine Road (Truth! Freedom! Justice! Reasonably priced love! And a hard-boiled egg!) that would live for all of a few hours, a strange candle that burned too briefly and died like a firework.
inspired by (x)
Monstrous Regiment University!AU with Polly as the fresh-out-of-some-small-backwards-village butch lesbian who still is very new to this whole queer-thing, and Mal as the dapper suave sexy no-one’s-quite-sure-of-their-gender deadpan snarker, giving Polly many Stupid Sexy Flanders feelings when she still thinks Mal is a boy, and leading to a lot of belligerent sexual tension and snarking at each other. Until, of course, they get teamed up for a group project and grow closer to each other and Polly learns there’s more in the world than girl/boy and straight/gay, especially once she comes along to Mal’s little LGBT club (created when the existing LGBT club turned out to be transmisogynist), with butch/femme couple Tonker and Lofty, genderqueer Wazzer (who will stare dreamily at you when you ask her about gender), transgirl Shufti (still very shy and quiet about it all), still-questioning Jade (she likes flirting with boys but also girls and she hates girly things so?), cross-dressing Blouse (in a long-distance relationship with his girlfriend who’s very supportive about the whole dresses-and-skirts thing), and genderfluid Igor (no one has actually seen the blonde braided wig Igor wears when she’s a she, leading to the hypothesis that she simply grows those braids overnight). They are essentially bullied by mean dean Strappi, who keeps double-booking their meeting rooms and try to force Mal to tick the right gender-box on their forms, but are supported by Sociology professor Jackrum, who may be hiding a secret of his own.
… I may have put too much thought into this.